You’re a Douchebag, Mr. Wayne

Who doesn’t love Batman? He is an overwhelmingly popular character, but the Dark Knight isn’t that nice of a guy. Sure, he has the Wayne Foundation which cares for orphaned children, but there are so many more times Batman/Bruce is a douche-nozzle and not just to the bad guys whom he regularly trounces.

If you haven’t read the comics or seen the movies there are spoilers ahead, though if you haven’t at least seen the movies; what the hell are you doing dicking around on the internet, go rectify that immediately.

Six ways Batman shows us what an asshole he really is.

6. The Dark Knight Rises


Now this is the most recent of his transgressions. The Dark Knight Trilogy was pretty damn fantastic over all, and even this particular film wasn’t bad, until the end. The ending is where the douchebaggery really happens.

So we get through the movie, we’ve made it past the fantastic re-enactment of the Bane breaks Batman’s back scene from the comics, Talia has been revealed and defeated. (We won’t talk about the fact that Wayne enterprises has been hiding some seriously amazing wold-changing tech from the world because some asshole has decided it’d make a great bomb.) Gotham is saved yet again thanks to the mysterious anti-hero. The Bat has exploded, saving everyone, and Batman died in said explosion, right? Nope, he’s alive and well, leaving everyone grieving over his loss. He fixed the auto-pilot, but couldn’t be bothered to tell Fox, or Alfred his only confidants. So transgression number one in this series is leaving his only friends to believe he is dead. Thanks to Talia’s covert antics throughout Bruce is now broke. So what does he do? Douche Move #2 He has this cop that’s called him on his shit and been following him around like a lost puppy throughout the movie, who’s real name is (shocker) Robin. He hasn’t really worked with him much, never bothered to really take him under his wing, and yet he leaves this poor idolizing kid with the bat cave and all it’s goodies. Awesome right? Nope, he’s left him all the toys, but no training, no skills, no money, and no resources for repairs, up-keep, or how not to die fighting Gotham’s ridiculous amount of crazy super-villains. Wow, Bruce, great move. Turns out Bruce is totally alive and fine living it up with Selina Kyle in Paris where he barely acknowledges Alfred to let him know he’s alive. Fuck you, Batman.

5. He doesn’t give a shit about collateral damage.


No really, every damn time he fights. Does he ever give a thought to the innocent bystanders? Nope, he refuses to kill the bad guys because it’s “against his code,” right? How many innocent bystander have been killed when he’s blown shit up to stop, but not kill the villains? How many car accidents, and pedestrians? What is the total cost of the damage he regularly causes to Gotham? No wonder the police hunt him, and a huge chunk of the city’s populous has turned to a life of crime to make ends meet, they can’t afford shit because Batman will just blow it up again.

4. He doesn’t kill, but has no problems with torture.

dark knight interrogation9

So he has one rule, right? He won’t kill the bad guys, because that’s not justice. What about the fact that facing “questioning” by batman makes Guantanimo Bay look like a holiday resort? Water boarding? Check. Dropping people from high enough to cripple, but not kill them? Check. Drugging them? Check. How about destroying life support, or disabling it to get answers? Check again. The list is really pretty endless. Let’s face it, Batman is the king of coercion.

3. He treats Robin like shit.

batman bitchslap

Poor Robin, we’ve already mentioned one example of this but there are oh so many more. That time he fired Robin by shoving him off a roof. He’s sucker punched Robin because he dared disagree with him. We’ve all seen the meme where Batman bitch-slaps Robin, that’s an actual Panel from the comic. The many times, he’s turned on Robin for no reason. The issue where he auditioned new boy wonders in front of Robin. I would be absolutely remiss is I didn’t mention the time he actually killed Robin. He won’t kill villains, but sidekicks are a dime a dozen, right?

2.  Batman takes it hard when other people have real super powers


Batman’s only super power is being richer than god. He tends to take it hard when there are good people out there also fighting for truth and justice, but have actual super powers. What does the Dark Knight do? Does he say, “Hey this is great, they could be really helpful.” No he decides to be the police of crime fighters and start planning how to murder them. He began amassing a collection of kryptonite to take out Superman almost as soon as he met him. In fact in some story lines he actually carries the kryptonite with him, “just in case.” Seriously, he has a whole contingency plan for the entire Justice League. These people are his friends allies, and he has kill plans for them.

1. He has serious trust issues


Batman assumes he’s the leader of everything. He tends to have a real ego in that way. He repeatedly tells the Justice league that he is their leader, but he doesn’t trust them. He frequently tells GCPD, specifically Commissioner Gordon that he wants to work with him, but forever leaves him in the dark about what is going on. He’s got a bad habit of mysteriously disappearing mid-conversation, so as to never have to answer questions. He has everyone he knows followed routinely, and has been known to kick the crap out of anyone who might disagree with his methods.

So there we are, a list of reasons why Batman is really just an asshole,


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